I have been extremely neglectful with this blog... and I am sure it is not detrimental to anyone's well being, but there you have it. Stuffs being going on.. mostly I have seen everyone and have no need to update everybody via internet. But maybe I should considering we're sorta apart again.. although there is no guarantee than anyone besides my mother will be reading this, since I have been so neglectful for so long.
I would like to chat about something that has been bothering me for a long long time. Lately I have come to the realization that I feel out of place .. where ever I go. And I realized too that before I can ever get to comfortable somewhere I up and leave it; then looking back realize what a good thing I had going. Seems normal, everyone has some regret no matter how minor. Mine seems like a dependence on leaving. Bit by bit this "desertion" has become habit. Lately I have been looking that way at Pacific. Just because its not easy and just because I am not quote unquote "happy." But you can't measure happiness. And you can't compare it to..... to any one moment in your life because that was a different time. I am selfish and lonely and I have made myself that way at Pacific. Its my fault for making poor choices. For being felt ostracized in that community. Its my fault. And I am the only one who can fix it. Or I better get used to not belonging anywhere because I can't stick it out.
So with that in mind I shall make a new set of rules for myself. Beginning with thinking before acting.. and probably ending with: remember your friggin rules!
Anyway. Reme is in Rome .. and I miss her horribly. She's the only one who's got a lick of sense.
5 comments:
OH WHITNEY
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. ARE YOU TRULY FOLLOWING THE THING YOU WANT TO DO OR ARE YOU TRYING DO WHAT YOU DECIDED IN HIGH SCHOOL AND MAYBE YOU HAVE CHANGED. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CHANGING DIRECTION IF IT IS NOT THE ONE YOU WANT TO GO IN. IT'S JUST BETTER TO CHANGE DIRECTION WHEN IT ISN'T COSTING A LOT OF MONEY TO SOMEONE. HAVING SAID THAT IF YOU ARE TRULY NOT HAPPY WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR CHOICES THAT SEEMS TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR TO PURSUE. HOW ABOUT SEEKING OUT A COUNSELOR FOR AWHILE DURING THE TIME YOU ARE HOME. MY ADVICE WOULD BE NOT DOUG HE'S TOO CLOSE AND LOVES YOU TOO MUCH AND MAY NOT BE OBJECTIVE. HEY THIS SOUNDS SILLY BUT I SAW ON KING5 THAT KIRKLAND HAS A NEW EXERCISE PROGRAM THAT INCLUDES CLIMBING A ROPE. IT'S VERY HARD AND YOU HAVE TO DEVELOP YOUR STRENGTH AND LEARN HOW TO DO IT. MY POINT IS IT IS DIFFERENT AND MAYBE YOU NEED TO BREAK OUT OF THE BOX AND DO SOMETHING WILD AND CRAZY JUST FOR WHITNEY. MAYBE IF IT IS POSSIBLE YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FROM EDUCATION JUST FOR A LITTLE BIT AND WORK HARD AND SAVE YOUR MONEY AND TAKE MORE TIME TO DEFINE WHAT YOUR FUTURE AND THEN GET YOUR EDUCATION. MAYBE VOLUNTEERING FOR A GOOD CAUSE WOULD BE BENEFICIAL. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO NEED HELP AND YOU ARE SUCH A WONDERFUL HELPFUL PERSON. REME JUST HAPPENS TO FIT IN THE BOX OF EDUCATION TRAVEL ETC. YOU ARE A BUTTERFLY DEAR GIRL AND YOU WANT TO FLIT ABOUT AND TASTE SOME OF THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS IN THE WORLD. NOT LANDING VERY LONG AND THEN MOVING ON. HOW ABOUT EMBRACING THAT PART OF YOU? TAKE A MATH CLASS FOR FUN AND EDUCATION NOT BECAUSE YOU NEED IT. MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! THAN IF IT HAPPENS TO HELP WITH CREDITS LATER..WONDERFUL. I AM NOT A COUNSELOR BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I SEE MORE OF YOU THAN YOU THINK. TAKE THE ADVICE OF MARK TWAIN AND FLORYNCE KENNEDY..GET OFF YOUR ASS AND CATCH A TRADEWIND AND EXPLORE MISS WHITNEY. I SUGGEST YOU STAY IN TOUCH WITH THE SAFE HARBOR THOUGH. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YOU SEE I THINK WHEREVER YOU HAVE BEEN YOU HAVE BEEN A GOOD FRIEND AND STUDENT, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THAT!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF HONEY, YOU ARE AN ASTOUNDING YOUNG WOMAN. KEEP LOOKING YOU'RE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT. YOU JUST DON'T BELIEVE ALL THE REST OF US WHEN WE TELL YOU HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE..DO WHAT IT TAKES WHIT..BE BRAVE AND COURAGOUS AND GO FOR IT. THAT'S MY SAGE ADVICE.
AM I A SAGE? THAT'S A SPICE RIGHT? LOL
AUNT DEE
Whitney,
Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. It's not easy to put this out there for everybody to read and ponder. That takes courage.
Moving from place to place is entirely normal for our age group, so don't let that get you down. Youth is very much about trying on all the clothes in the wardrobe, so to speak. You try out different attitudes, fashion styles, hobbies, friends, and living spaces. It often feels listless, confusing and unfulfilling (and, well, it is), but rest assured it's normal, and, no, you don't need counseling (a counselor will convince you you're screwed up).
However, you're unhappiness with your life, while also normal in youth, will not change until you learn what makes you happy from the inside out. On that point, I agree with Dee. Happiness begins inside you, not outside, and all the moving around in the world won't change the unhappiness that is currently residing inside you. Most folks spend thirty or forty years trying to find what makes them happy, and while that may depress you, understand it takes most people so long because they waste much of that time looking outside themselves. Travel, new living places, other people, money, material objects, none of this will ever change that feeling inside you. To be happy, you must go inside yourself, learn who you are, and fall in love with yourself. When you love yourself, only then can you love others and allow them to love you.
Also, though you may feel out of place, don't ever doubt that you are welcome and your company is greatly valued. The three or four times I see you every year are counted amongst the best days of my year. I look forward to your company, always.
Oh, and get some damn good music for yourself! Check out the new CD at Starbucks, "Something to Believe In." It'll make you feel a little better.
Tyler
Well said Ty, but talking to an objective person..the right one does help. I have faith in you Whitney. You are a pleasure to be around...always.
Wow! You are one loved young lady....we went to Sylvan, looked into the math tutoring opportunities and you have made some good choices. I think it is a good idea to have a vehicle to get around in while you are at school, you can get yourself to your math tutoring and have the ability to get out and explore. I too agree with Dee and Tyler, you are a very special person and have a lot to give. We are behind you Whit! 110%! Love always and forever, Mom
i agree with tyler :)
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