I should be doing Spanish homework right now.. but I cannot get over the unfairness that enters our lives. Of course I am talking about Josh and cancer. Yes, it is apart of our existence and we must go through it in order to know what to value, but I feel more than helpless in this situation.
Josh, a 20 year old male, beat cancer once and decides to complete the 'dream' if you will, go to college and be normal. But then it comes back! Just randomly. Yes, no rhyme or reason, just the same old 'shit happens' answer to that one.
I am not asking for answers or condolences --I can't take it-- mainly I am angry.
Angry because he wont be able to fulfill his dreams. He wont get finish school at Pacific, he wont travel the world, wont get married, have the 3-4 children he wanted, he wont grow old--He wont live! The injustice of it all is mind-blowing.
Yada, yada ... "you can do those things Whitney"..blah blah "he was the affect on you to live" .... So? Bullshit. He should have been able to do those things too! And haven't I had enough of cancer/death/sadness/humbling ... I know I am seeing it through a different perspective than the eyes of a 12 year old, but no more ... please. It hurts too much.
"Is a dream a lie if it don't come true? Or is it something worse?" -Bruce
I fear to answer that question. And I am not sure I want to know the answer.
4 comments:
I do understand the feeling of anger and the injustice of it all. Disease whether it be cancer,alzheimers, heart disease is a terrible thing to experience when you lose a loved one.
My dad died in his 70's, yours in his 60's, my sister in her early 40's, my niece when she was 24 hrs. old,Maddie and Ryan lost their dad before they were born. Age really has little to do with it,as the family member left behind I wasn't ready to say goodbye to any of the people listed above. At first it's difficult to believe and then the anger sets in. WHY? NOT FAIR!Eventually you get to acceptance and emotional healing. It is not easy and it takes along time. I think a dream is just that..a good thought and plan for your future. Many dreams do not come true, many change as life changes. Obviously when life ends the dream is unfulfilled. I don't think it's wasted because the person who carried that dream gained strength and hope from it. Right now you're angry and you feel helpless and the thoughts of Josh as he lived is filling your mind and heart. The loss is great and painful. There is no way to get around that. I am thinking about you Whitney while you go through this loss. You are loved and lucky to have known Josh.Take care dear..Aunt Dee
Special words from a very special person. Whitney my love....time is what makes it easier, you never stop caring, loving, missing the person that has died but living your life with purpose will honor them. I love you sweetheart. Aunt Dee is a pretty wonderful person, she always knows what to say. :) Love, Mom
I love you Whitney.
whit, the loss of a dear friend... you have seen me at my worst when losing my best friend. I dont know why it happens, and no matter how bad you want the person back, they never do come back. It is hard, you think about all the things he wanted, and you everytime you think about him, your gona think about what he'd be doing that instant. I realized when steph passed away, how amazing of a person she was, and although only 17 yrs old, she still had an everlasting effect on me, and everyone who knew her. You were blessed to know Josh, and he made an impact on you... i dont know him, and either does the rest of our family, but I do know he was important, he made an impression on somebody i love and with that i know he will live on through your memories. I am sorry for your pain, but you can talk to me anytime, I still think about steph everyday and it stills hurts. I love you whit your such a good friend! :)
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